How a Disney song broke me down and got me in the zone
I’ve been taking vocal training for the past 18 months, I’ve got an amazing teacher and I absolutely love my regular sessions. In this space I have repeatedly come face to face with some of deepest and most annoying blocks - creatively and personally. It’s allowed me to grow in ways I never imagined.
Singing is my Captain America ‘I can do this all day’ thing. Singing and dancing. I’d be happy if I could just attach the wall of a studio and stay there.
I love it and I am not super noteworthy for it, it’s a rocky journey - throwing just about every deep limiting belief in my face on a regular basis. My inner critic has super bitchy Simon Cowell vibes.
This week I was planning on ‘getting really good’ at my routine - I hadn’t noticed but I was deep in perfectionism, control it mode. I often hide my fears, bury them in fact - in processes, systems and boring AF things that keep me so tied up in that stuff, I don’t get on with the scary but actually fun part.
During this process, I put on a Moana song.
I was inspired to try this because a family member had been swimming with whales the weekend before and apparently, these whales loved two musical styles - Moana and Snoop Dog. Party whales! The first of which somehow feels relative, but the second just amuses me so much. It’s so cute!
Anyway, I thought ‘if the whales love it, then let’s use that as inspo’ - I’d already tried it at my last lesson and needed more time to dive in (‘scuse the pun!) so there I was, ready to crack on with nailing this song.
I only got a few lines in and the emotion roared up - unstoppable and from somewhere deep within.
I’ve been staring at the edge of the water….waaaahhhh. The lyrics in that song, one I’ve listened to a million times, just hit the right nerve that day. I sat there trying to make it through, ugly crying - while some deep, far wiser part of me whispered ‘release’ - so I did.
At the same time, I was wondering if the neighbours could hear and did they wonder why some “sad drunk girl” was singing Moana at 8am on a Wednesday morning? (I wasn’t drunk but that WAS the vibe haha)
During this, I felt so much tension leave my body and all of a sudden, startling clarity - I had been holding on to SO MUCH. To being good. To getting it right. To not f*cking it up. To worrying what people would say or think. Or do if I dared to be well…me.
Later that day I stood on the beach, looked out and said ‘I surrender. I let go. I am okay to SUCK at this.’
This wasn’t only about my singing - I had this insurmountable pressure that had ridden on my back like a freeloader for YEARS and a good portion of it slid off that day with a little Disney song.
Suddenly I was DONE - done with all the illusion of perceived control, with what everyone else still clinging onto that fantasy had to say, to not having fun and just going ‘f it!’
I feel like there is so much noise and pressure around getting it “right” or being “successful” - often weighed in follower count or a certain figure income (A personal bug bear of mine is every 2nd post popping up on socials these days telling you what you’re doing wrong and how a program will “fix you”. It’s the ULTIMATE comparison trap. We no longer sell things on the value that we’re providing or with accountability - it’s almost become a one-stop-improve-yourself-or-else shop.)
We’re allowed to have fun and be messy and stuff it up. And what’s more - that process is SACRED. We’re meant to fall, get back up again and topple over again.
That is the whole point and the whole process. It’s where the value is. It’s where the joy is. And it’s where the healing is.
By the way, the song was How Far I’ll Go and when you notice the lyrics, there is definitely a connection there with how I was feeling that day - the universe conspires for you, my love - even when you don’t realize it. The whales inspired me and it led me to undo a bit more.
PS. Synchronicity is everywhere - here’s a little look at what the Whale spirit totem is:
When the whale enters your life, it may be time to closely examine where you are, the actions and emotions that have brought you to this point, and what you can do to alleviate existing drama and unrest and find peace. (read the rest here)
Megan x
